TSTL

Too Stupid To Live.

It's a condition seen way too often in romance novels (and horror flicks), but it's almost always the heroine who suffers from it. I honestly can't remember the last time I read a book with a TSTL hero, though I'm slogging my way through one right now.

This guy wins the door prize. He's so totally out of his element -- like, in an entirely new and different world where nothing works the way it did in the old world -- and he refuses to listen to or take advice from anyone. He thinks he's so macho/shit-hot, and by God, no one's gonna tell HIM what to do.

So he gets his ass kicked by some subhuman creature and has to be saved by someone else. Does he learn his lesson? Noooo. The next threat comes along, and by God, no one's gonna tell HIM what to do. After all, he's super-macho and shit-hot. He gets his ass kicked again, by a different subhuman creature and has to be rescued by someone else. Does he learn his lesson? Well, I put it down then, but I seriously doubt it.

The worst thing about this guy, though, is he's obnoxious as hell. He's rude and impulsive and arrogrant and smug and smarmy . . . and the heroine tells us repeatedly that he's so arrogant, he's CHARMING. No! He's ADORABLE. No! He's IRRESISTIBLE.

No! He's ANNOYING as hell.

Honest to God, this is the first time I can recall reading a romance novel and hoping the hero gets killed somewhere along the way and a new hero -- one worthy of the designation -- comes in. The sooner, the better. This guy really is Too Stupid To Live.

Sadly, this was my go-to book in case the one I'd already started turned out to be a dud. That one is a romantic suspense, my first by this author, and the writing's pretty good, and the characters are pretty likable. But the eeeevvviiill villain is so silly and over-the-top that I start giggling every time he enters a scene (and I'm SO not a giggler). Everything about him is ridiculous -- his back story, his goals, his method of committing crimes. We're supposed to be horrified by him -- everyone in the story is -- but it's hard to be scared when you're giggling.

The problem with both of these books is that the authors failed at what they were trying to do with their characters, and so they rely on having other characters try to mold our impressions of them. I've read lots of heroes whose arrogance really is part of their charm. This author missed the mark, though, and knew it, which is why the heroine keeps telling herself (and the reader) that he's charming and adorable. The charm wasn't coming across on its own, so the author had to intrude on the story to tell us. Just call me cynical, but I still ain't believin' it.

Again, with the villain, all the characters are so terrified of him that the reader expects some truly horrific, vicious sociopath. But the author didn't pull that off. He's a weak, cartoonish character who doesn't inspire any of the right emotions in this reader. (I'm pretty sure that the author wasn't trying to make me giggle with his every appearance.) He should inspire the same emotions in the reader as he does in the characters; since he doesn't, the others keep telling each other (and us) how awful he is. And that makes him even weaker and more cartoonish and pretty much ruins the story for me.

Oh, well . . . I shouldn't be reading anyway. I've got a deadline coming up, and I really don't want any readers plotting my hero's murder or giggling at my villain. Rachel10:17 AM