United Parcel Sucks

Remember last week I bitched about UPS failing to deliver a package? They left me a message with a huge freakin' tracking number that was wrong, had no record of a shipment to me under my name or under my address.

The 800 UPS lady said she would send a message to the Tulsa hub to contact me. That was last Thursday morning. Thursday, Friday, Saturday go by -- no word from the Tulsa hub. Then a post card arrives, saying "you can pick up your package at the hub between these hours."

Let's see . . . my publisher paid money to UPS to deliver this package to me. Deliver it. Am I even gonna consider driving to east Tulsa to pick it up?? I don't think so.

So I call the 800 number on the post card -- different from the one I called before -- and get a message that I can pick up the package blah blah blah. "If you'd like to make other arrangements, please press 2," the canned voice says. I press 2 so hard I damn near break a nail.

A nice guy comes on the line, verifies all the information on the card, then says, "When would you like to pick up your package?"

Uh, never. You were paid to deliver it; please deliver it.

"They tried to deliver last Wednesday, but they couldn't locate the address." So he verifies the address. Not once, but twice. The same address they've delivered at least a hundred packages to in the twelve years I've lived here.

"So you would prefer that we attempt another delivery?"

No, actually I would prefer that you actually deliver it.

"The soonest we can do that is Wednesday. If you want it before then, you'll have to pick it up at the hub."

Listen, bucko, I'm not driving fifty miles round-trip with gas at $3.19 a gallon to pick up a package that you were paid to bring to me. You're a delivery service; deliver the damn thing.

The nice guy doesn't quite stifle a sigh, one of those put-upon, why-do-I-get-all-the-difficult-customers sighs, and says, "Okay. It'll be there by close of business on Wednesday. Thank you. Have a nice day." Which really meant Go to hell.

So Wednesday comes. The package doesn't. Doesn't even make it onto a truck leaving the Tulsa hub. Why not? I dunno. Probably because UPS has collected the shipping fee. Hey, the money's in their pocket; who cares where the package is?

They called this morning and left a message that the package would be delivered by close of business today. Gee, heard that before, haven't I? I'll believe 'em when I see it. Rachel3:39 PM