I are a writer; words is my life.

Okay, so back when I was in school, we started studying grammar, punctuation, sentence structure, and all that cool stuff in, like, second grade, and re-studied it again and again and again until it was pounded into our brains. I may not remember the names of clauses and tenses and stuff, but -- like pornography -- I know what's right when I see it.

So . . . it drives me absolutely freaking nuts when I see poorly-written stuff. I'm not talking about things I critique for my buddies or e-mails; I expect some typos there. But in books, on websites, in magazines and newspapers, and yes, even on blogs. When I read a blog written by a published author who writes, "Me and my friend thinks we're going to blah blah," I shriek, "Oh, yeah, like I'll buy your book if this is how you write???" Puh-leeeze. (And for the record, I really did read a published author's blog that had multiple references to "me and so-so saw this," along with "her and I did such-and-such." I shuddered as I quickly backed out of there.)

We're writers. We should have at least a basic grasp of the language in which we write. We should know where most commas go. We should recognize run-on sentences. We should know that punctuation is not interchangeable. We should not pay $5 or more for a book that says, "She pored her sole out to him." (Another true instance.)

I bought a book once that had so many errors in it that I got a highlighter and started marking them. Whenever I came to an entire page without a mistake, I wanted to cheer. Actually, what I did was put the book down (and never finished it), because I had become so preoccupied with the mistakes that I couldn't get into the story.

You don't have to be smart to get published. You don't need a college degree or even a high school diploma. You don't have to be able to spell well or type fast. But you should have to be able to put a coherent sentence together with proper punctuation, and if you can't do that, the publishers damn well need to hire someone to help you with it.

Two more true instances, and then I'm off to run errands: when Robert was stationed in California, the main gate at the Navy base had a sign that said, "You are now entering a goverment installation."

And for a long time, when we'd make a run to get the best barbecue pork sandwiches in the state, the road crossed a creek named Cedar going into town, and Ceder coming out. I heard someone finally noticed and got a new sign.

I only hope they replaced the right one -- er, the wrong one -- er, you know what I mean. Rachel3:03 PM